Comic-book moments you'll never see on screen (pictures)

For a while, super-pets were all the rage. Superman hadKrypto the Super-Dog and Beppo the Super-Monkey (Beppo is a jerk and no onelikes Beppo). Batman had Ace the Bat-Hound. Supergirl had a Super-Cat,Streaky, and a Super-Horse that went by the name of Comet.

Comet was originally a centaur from ancient Greece. He savedthe life of the sorceress Circe, who tried to reward him by turning into a fullhuman... but then she accidentally turned him into a full horse instead. Whenshe was unable to reverse the spell, she gave him immortality and superpowers asa sort of consolation prize, because eternity as a horse is a good deal orsomething.

It was in this form that he joined Supergirl'scrime-fighting super-team... but, as it transpired, if a comet passed throughthe solar system he was in, he turned human for the duration -- into swoonyheart-throb "Bronco" Bill Starr, rodeo superstar -- and stealer ofSupergirl's heart.

Which is kind of a jerk move, because he'd just show up, dokissy-faces with Kara, then disappear again, and she'd just be left waiting forthe next comet to arrive. You'd think, given that there are at least 4,000 confirmed comets in the solar system, he'd just beBronco full-time. But they didn't know that in the 1960s, so we'll give thatone a pass.

At least Comet didn't get, like, really weird later on or anything.

So, remember that time that everyone was all mad that Thor wasgoing to be a woman? Go grab the 1980s run of the Thor comic by Walt Simonson.Simonson had a spectacular run, but one of the best moments had to be thethree issues in 1986, starting with Thor issue #364, in which Thor wasrunning around as a frog, transformed by trickster Loki.

It gets better, though. During that time, Frog Thor makesfriends with a frog named Puddlegulp. Puddlegulp, as it turns out, was once ahuman (named Simon Walterson) who had been transformed into a frog by a gypsy.When Thor departs, once more returned to his true form, Walterson finds asliver of Mjolnir left behind and uses is to create Frogjolnir, and turnhimself into Throg --champion of the Central Park frogs.

It's probably safe to say that any moment from the 1960scomic "Superman's Girl Friend, Lois Lane" is going to be... not showing up on TVany time soon. The focus is on, of course, ace reporter Lois Lane, and thescrapes she gets into trying to get Superman to marry her. You'd think thiswould be relatively tame, but no. No.

The particular highlight we've chosen is from 1966's issue#69, "Bewareof the Bug-Belle." Lois Lane has gotten hold of an item belonging toher rival for Superman's affections, Lana Lang -- the Bio-Ring that turns herinto the Insect Queen, able to take the form of any arthropod, because comics.

Naturally, Lois ends up putting the ring on, but the cover is somewhat misleading-- she uses the ring to help save a child trapped in a burning building whenSuperman is unable to attend the scene.

This, because comics, leads to the mysteriousVelvet O'Mara turning up to steal the ring to try to use it to kill Superman,and Lana and Lois teaming up to get it back. Definitely not the wackiest,plot-wise, but the time Lois turned herself into a black woman because she was curious about life in theghetto? I don't want to touch that with a ten-foot pole.

William Moulton Marston, creator of Wonder Woman under thepen name Charles Moulton, was a fascinating chap. He helped develop thepolygraph test and he and his wife Elizabeth Holloway Marston had a lifelongpolyamorous relationship with Olive Byrne, which should indicate that he was apretty unconventional guy.

Wonder Woman was actually Elizabeth's idea, following themale-oriented comics that sprung up in the 1940s, but Marston created theactual character, purportedly basing her on both Elizabeth and Olive.

He wrote in 1943, "Not even girls want to be girls solong as our feminine archetype lacks force, strength, and power. Not wanting tobe girls, they don't want to be tender, submissive, peace-loving as good womenare. Women's strong qualities have become despised because of their weakness.The obvious remedy is to create a feminine character with all the strength ofSuperman plus all the allure of a good and beautiful woman."

The "submissive" part showed up in the comic inways that, in retrospect, or to adult eyes, are a little on the pervy side: spankings, wrestling and a whole boatload of being tied up.

Garth Ennis isn't really a huge superhero fan (although"Hitman" #34 seems to indicate a bit of a soft spot for ol' Supes), so if yougive him a superhero, something ridiculous will probably happen.

In 2002, Ennis was working on "The Punisher" with Darick Robertson, and ol' Frankie teamedup with Wolverine to take down an army of mafia bad guys. Because Ennis doesn'treally like Wolvie a great deal, he decided to have some fun -- by having the Punisher blow Wolvie's face offwith a shotgun, shoot him in the man-parts, then park a steamroller on top ofhim.

Yep. Pretty sure Marvel's not going to want to put that onthe screen.

Archie Comics' "Mighty Crusaders" ran from 1965 to1966 for seven issues, then from 1983 to 1985 for 13 issues, then in 1992 foreight issues. The comic has, as you can tell, had a pretty rough go of it. It was supposedto be Archie Comics' attempt at superheroes, but it just didn't take off.

Let's be honest: if a villanous sorcerer from outer spacenamed Phantasmon, written by Jerry Siegel and able to shoot lightning out ofhis nose, was unable to keep the book afloat, it probably had much biggerproblems.

Chris Evans is pretty stacked, but if he looked like this,we'd run screaming from the cinema.

Any character from the "Legion of Super-Heroes"is probably cheating a little bit, because they're kind of meant to beludicrously over-the-top, but they did get their very own cartoon series in2006, and even Matter-Eater Lad -- who can eat anything -- got billing.

Arm-Fall-Off-Boy was probably a little too weird even forthat, though. A superhero from the 30thcentury, his power is that his limbs just come off, and he can then use them towhack villains with, which would be a useful skill if you can't find, say, alead pipe or a baseball bat. He's not a member of the Legion, because nervesduring his tryout caused him to fall apart. Quite literally.

Over the years, your friendly neighbourhood Spider-Man hasbeen transformed into an actual spider a few times, but possibly the mostbizarre is the time Spider-Man was kissed by a new villain called The Queen,which infected him with genes or something to slowly transform him into a giantspider that she could mate with, because reasons. (If you want to look it up,it's 2004's "Spectacular Spider-Man" #17-20.)

And it totally worked. Over the course of four issues, PeterParker transforms into a giant ugly spider... but not just any giant spider, agiant pregnant spider. Long storyshort, the spider dies and from its distended abdomen emerges Parker, withbrand-new spider-powers, with which he is able to dispatch The Queen. Yep. The wholething was a crazy set-up to give Spider-Man web-shooters that are part of his body rather than external gadgets and spider stings in his forearms.

Because reasons.

Daredevil has seen quite a respectable reboot in his own TVshow, but prior to then, the poor chap really went through the wringer.

One of those wringer-moments was the "Shadowland"mini-series in which he got possessed by an actual, real-life demon. MattMurdock had defeated his enemies, the ninja clan known as the Hand, and rather than let a bunch ofmurdering ninjas run around doing ninja murders, he decided to rule theminstead.

That's when Beast of the Hand, the demon the hand had been serving forcenturies, decided Matt's body looked pretty comfy and took up residence.

A bunch of his mates try to stop him, but ittakes a chi punch from the Immortal Iron Fist to literally punch the demon outof Murdock's soul. Which... OK, as silly as the whole premise is, that's kindof badass.

The Crimson Avenger, AKA Albert Elwood, made his debut in"World's Finest Comics" #131, a talented inventor who wanted to help Supes andBats put away the evil, thieving Octopus Gang. Although talented, hisinventions were a bit... odd, and the ensuing comedy of errors turned ourheroes into helium balloons.

Elwood retired after this (mis)adventure, more's the pity.Superheroes suddenly bloating into weird shapes became a bit of a thing.

If you're going to get meta, you have to do it well. Alittle subtlety is never misplaced. The time the Fantastic Four had to travelto the afterlife in "Fantastic Four" #511 was more like being walloped with adismembered arm.

Dr Doom had possessed The Thing, you see, and the only wayto stop Doom was to kill Grimm. Which, deed done, Mr Fantastic, the InvisibleWoman and the Human Torch decided to go to heaven and get their friend back...where, behind a closed door, they find "god."

Who turns out to be, well, you already know who.Look, we love Jack Kirby. Jack Kirby is incredible. It just sort of seems abit, well, arrogant, for a comics writer to write a story that analogisescreating comics with being a god.

The first issue of "The Avengers" ran in 1963, and saw our heroes assemble for thefirst time: Iron Man, Hulk and Thor. Due to an early misunderstanding, though,the Hulk is accused of causing a train to derail, so our green hero runs away and joins the circus. Which is to say he flees andhides out disguised as a robotic clown.

The "robot" part was cover for his super-Hulk-strength, to explain why he cansimultaneously juggle a horse, a seal and an elephant, or lift a cage full oflions.

It's not that we don't wantto see this happen in an Avengers film, but sadly... the likelihood is prettylow.